Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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