i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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