i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
