I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
