I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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