This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
