when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
