sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
