well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
