Plan B is the new Plan A
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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