M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
