Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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