I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
