going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
