so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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