my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
