i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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