you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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