as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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