I'm sorry my penis didn't work
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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