I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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