Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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