i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
