We won't sleep together?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
