Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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