bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
