I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
