Having a random hookup so left but love u
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
