awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
