So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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