I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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