Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
