literally had 100 drinks last night.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
