i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
