We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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