The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
