Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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