I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
