your room smells of hookers.
And success
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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