bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
