since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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