Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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