Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
