woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
