I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
