oh god the rape fog is back!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
