He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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