At least make sure they are 18
Why
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish there were birth control emojis
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
