I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No subtext here. People are naked.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
