Me. At least after what I've been through.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
