remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
