There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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