grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
