Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.