Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..