Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
