Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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