something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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