Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
