you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
