Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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