just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
