you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My life is pants optional.
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