No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
