i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
