Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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