He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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