My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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