Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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