Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
