I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
