Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
