What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
