Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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